My First Cloverfield Review - Or What Should Have Been a Review

This is more of a review of observations, due to the fact that I missed half of the movie while I was giving an offering to the porcelain gods. I hadn't read a single review or looked a single piece of "OMG THIS IS THE CLOVERFIELDS MUNSTER MOCKUP LAWLZ" posts I saw on the digg mainpage either. I was looking forward to seeing this movie for a long time, and just hoping that I could have a smooth day leading up to it. Fat chance. The hellish day leading up to my viewing of the movie at 8:15 pm at the tweeny-laden Summit Sierra Century Theaters was as follows:

7:30 Wakeup late. Balls.

8:15 Attempt to quickly run into my office. Damn receptionist saw me and announces to the whole office I'm late by saying 'good morning'. How dare she.

10:00 Really stupid project meeting. I don't have projects so I sit and pray I get to go last while I sneakily update the database with my imaginary projects like 'Run pc cpu health discovery reports'(I of course charge 20 hours to do this). Unfortunately I am chosen to go first and while I babble for about 10 minutes on the subject of payables missing from end-of-the-year-the-world-is-ending reports not being my fault and my plan to cotton swab the network equipment. I can literally feel my IT director's fingertips drafting my termination letter.

11:20 Meeting is over, I forgot my lunch.

2:10 All the 'important' projects being with an e-mail stating "Investigate why images are not showing up on the Office Max website for the supplies department." Mind-numbingly awesome! IT work is super fulfilling.

3:00 Whoops forgot to pay my power, not all good times happen in the dark.

5:00 The work day is over and I can finally begin to become excited over the forthcoming movie extravaganza.

6:10 No one is ready, my wife and her friend are busy watching the cable tv abomination 'The 10th Kingdom' which is probably the worst 7 hour mish-mash of made for tv special effects and John Laroquette I've ever seen. (Just kidding, it rocks....you should watch it..seriously)

6:35: Arrive at sushi late. Everyone orders way too much sushi, we can't finish it. I play hero and attempt to eat it all to save us the embarrassment of being charged for uneaten raw fish art. Total time at restaurant : 1 hour.

7:35 Leaving restaurant. Need to get gas and meet everyone at the theater which is about 10 miles south of our location. Pump gas, drive like a madman cursing at everyone going under 85 I run into on the freeway. Call my friend to request 4 seats be saved, which turned out to be pissing into the wind because he didn't even get into the sold out showing.

8:10 Drop the ladies off at the door and go try and find a spot to park. Cop pulls over high school football hero douchebag and blocks a perfectly good spot. My search continues! Find a spot and make a mad dash for the door to retrieve my ticket and attempt to avoid the front row of the movie. Innards beginning to rumble.

8:15 Front row! Bitchin'! 20 minutes of previews follow. Star Trek and a few other interestings tidbits fly by, but I don't even care.

8:40 Sick 5 minutes into the movie. Damn camera is BUSY! Lots of talking and general douchebaggery happening between the main characters. Some hot chicks appear on screen. I begin to look away at this point to save my stomach. They even warned me at the ticket counter that it has caused motion sickness!

8:55 Monster attacks. Statue of liberty head. People dying.

9:00 I'm up. Visiting the bathroom. Lots of monster noises seeping through the walls as I make my peace with the can. I go back in the theater and stand for about 20 minutes to distance myself from the screen and attempt to right my stomach. Some girl runs by my holding her mouth and a lot of the audience is holding their heads in their hands already.

9:20 Sit down. Resolve to watch the rest. That lasts about 30 seconds. I know the puke will return so I just close my eyes and listen. Unfortunately this movie is too damn hectic to keep my eyes closed! I open every 30 seconds or so to see the monster and it's demon spawn that bite you and make your abdomen explode! Yea!

9:25 Up again. I have no idea what the characters names are or what the hell they are still doing in the city, all I know is the monster is really cool and I'm dry heaving.

9:30 Ashley gets me a sprite and I sit in my seat with my head in my hands until its over.

9:50 Nothing after the credits except some muffled voice. I'm sure it said something. Please contact me if you know!

10:15 Home. Intended to write a review of the movie. Instead wrote my days synopsis. Can't say much about the movie other than it seemed very intense, greats visuals, sickening camera's(on a full stomach of sushi that is), and a GREAT monster.

Conclusion: I will see this movie again very soon and offer a real review. I thought it was clever to name the camera wielding character 'Hud', as in heads up display. All in all I just had to write something down to remind me of what today was like. Nothing overly bad just a string of rotten events and a memorable trip to the movies to say the least.

tl;dr haiku version

late for work damn it
ate too many sushi rolls
cloverfield vomit